“The Estimator”: The Fiction Writer of Construction
Mood: Optimistic & Incorrect
Meet The Estimator.
The Estimator
Truth Stretcher
3D Scans reality, then adjusts the margins until the project looks profitable. “It’s just data.”
Change Order Shield
Deflects blame for going over budget by claiming “Unforeseen Conditions.” (The condition was gravity).
BY THE EXECUTIVE JOKESTER
On our latest Tactical Trading Card, he is depicted scanning a pile of garbage and rendering it as gold bars. We gave him 70 HP because he exists in a fragile state of reality where labor costs haven’t risen since 2019.
His class is “Guesser.” And his signature move is “The Truth Stretcher.”
The “3D Scan” Deception
In the old days, estimators used tape measures and guesses. Now, they use LiDAR and 3D Scanning.
It looks incredibly scientific. They wave a $1,000 scanner around a room, creating a perfect “Digital Twin” of the job site.
- The Technology: Accurate to within 0.1mm.
- The Human Input: “Eh, let’s assume the drywall guys work for free on weekends.”
The technology is perfect; the assumptions are hallucinations. The Estimator uses the scanner not to see what is there, but to visualize a version of reality where the project comes in under budget.
The Margin Magician
The Estimator’s job is to tell the client what they want to hear, while telling the crew what they have to do.
- To the Client: “Based on my 3D volumetric analysis, we can do this for $50k.”
- To the Subcontractor: “You have $40k to do this, and if you go over, it’s coming out of your pocket.”
He stretches the truth until it snaps. And when the project inevitably goes over budget? He’s already onto the next bid.
The Asset: Shining 3D Einstar Scanner
We paired this card with the Shining 3D Einstar Vega because if you are going to fabricate reality, you should do it in High Definition.
This scanner captures the world in brilliant color and detail. It’s a shame it can’t scan “Unforeseen Conditions” or “The Price of Copper Next Month.”
The Executive Jokester Verdict
We stamped “NOT APPROVED” on this card because hope is not a strategy.
The Estimator believes that if the spreadsheet works, the building will work. But concrete doesn’t care about your Excel formulas.
To the Estimators out there: Stop scanning the room and start scanning the receipts. The math isn’t adding up.
The Executive Jokester is a satirical project by a Minnesota Real Estate Agent who knows that the “Estimate” is just the cover charge; the real bill comes later.