“The General Manager”: The Human Shield of Hospitality
Mood: Diplomatic & Tired
Meet The General Manager.
The G.M.
Entitlement Neutralizer
Masks the scent of cheap perfume and audacity. Deploys a mist of logic that confuses angry customers.
The Human Shield
Absorbs all damage intended for the 19-year-old hostess. “I AM the manager.”
“He fixes the printer. He unclogs the toilet. He balances the books. And he does it all while smelling like french fries.”
On our latest Tactical Trading Card, they are depicted standing in the lobby, holding a bottle of Aesop Room Spray like a holy weapon. We gave them 200 HP because they have to absorb the emotional damage of 50 angry customers, 20 hungover servers, and one head chef who just walked out during the dinner rush.
Their class is “Boss.” But their real job is “Adult Babysitter.”
The “Karen Repellent” Move
Every GM knows the walk. You spot it from across the dining room. The haircut. The finger-wagging. The demand to “Speak to the Manager.”
This is the Karen Boss Fight.
The GM has to walk over, smile, and apologize for things that are physically impossible to control (like the weather on the patio or the fact that the steak tartare is raw). They are the Human Shield protecting the 19-year-old hostess from a woman screaming about a coupon that expired in 2019.
The “Entitlement Neutralizer”
We gave this card the asset “Aesop Luxury Room Spray” because sometimes, you just need to change the vibe.
When a customer is emitting toxic levels of entitlement, a quick spritz of high-end botanical aromatics can confuse them long enough to de-escalate the situation. It masks the scent of cheap perfume and pure audacity.
- Does it fix the cold soup? No.
- Does it make the lobby smell like a $500/night hotel instead of a stress factory? Yes.
The Executive Jokester Verdict
We stamped “APPROVED” on this card because the GM is the glue holding the operation together.
They fix the printer. They unclog the toilet. They balance the books. And they do it all while wearing a suit that smells like french fries.
If you are a GM, treat yourself to the spray. You deserve to smell like “Istros” instead of “Stale Beer and Regret.”
The Executive Jokester is a satirical project by a Minnesota Real Estate Agent who knows that “The customer is always right” is a lie we tell to keep the peace.
FROM THE DESK OF THE DIRECTOR
“Thank you for reading the leaked files. If this post made you laugh (or sweat because it’s true), do your civic duty:”
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I need ideas for Sector 09. Drop a comment below with the job title I should roast next.
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