The “Over-Eager Noobuyer’s Agent”: When Desperation Meets Delusion
Mood: Cringy but Accurate
In the wild ecosystem of Real Estate, there is a predator. But unlike the “Shady Buyer’s Agent”—who is a shark—this creature is more like a starving coyote.
Meet the Over-Eager Noobuyer’s Agent.
Over-Eager Noob
Pulse Verification
Check wrist. If heart beats, immediately drive 50 miles to show a house they definitely cannot afford.
Credit Shock
Delivers 500 volts to the agent if client says “I’m waiting on a settlement” or “I have cash under my mattress.”
“He doesn’t care if you’re pre-approved. He cares if you’re breathing. The ultimate participation trophy hunter.”
We featured him on our latest Tactical Trading Card because he represents the most common tragedy in our industry: The belief that “Activity” equals “Productivity.”
The “Pulse Verification” Move
We gave this card the signature move “Pulse Verification” for a reason.
In a professional environment, a lead is qualified by their finances, their timeline, and their motivation. But to the Over-Eager Agent, a lead is qualified by biology.
- Do they have a pulse? Check.
- Are they breathing? Check.
- Do they have $0 in the bank but a “really good feeling” about a scratch-off ticket? Perfect. Get in the car.
I have watched these agents drive 50 miles on a Sunday to show a million-dollar home to a “client” whose primary source of income is selling plasma. Why do they do it? Because their pipeline is empty, and the silence of their phone is terrifying.
The Smell of Commission Breath
There is a saying in sales: “Prospects can smell commission breath.”
It’s that frantic, sweaty energy that screams, “I need this deal to pay my car note.” It repels high-quality clients and attracts time-wasters. The Over-Eager Agent doesn’t realize that by saying “Yes” to everyone, they are saying “No” to their own dignity.
The card depicts him sweating in a messy economy car for a reason. It is the visual representation of a business model built on hope rather than strategy.
The Executive Jokester Verdict
We stamped this behavior “NOT APPROVED” because desperation is the enemy of negotiation. You cannot fight for your client’s best interests if you are terrified of losing them.
If you find yourself acting like the guy on this card—sweating, manic, and driving aimlessly—pull over. Take a breath. And maybe buy a Smart Ring to monitor your own stress levels, because you’re gonna need it.
The Executive Jokester is a satirical project by a Minnesota Real Estate Agent who learned the hard way that “Busy” is not the same thing as “Rich.”
FROM THE DESK OF THE DIRECTOR
“Thank you for reading the leaked files. If this post made you laugh (or sweat because it’s true), do your civic duty:”
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