CLASSIFIED PROCUREMENT CATALOG
SECTOR 02: CONSTRUCTION
“Delays, Overruns, and ‘Safety Third'”
General Contractor
100 HP
Class: Middleman
Remote “Supervision”
Sits in truck. Uses Starlink. Does nothing.
“The ultimate middleman. Taking a large percentage off the top for ‘coordination’.”
NOT APPROVED
[ Acquire Starlink ] The Architect
60 HP
Class: Dreamer
Permit Simulator
A VR world where city planners actually email back.
“Design plans that don’t match reality. The ‘Square Hole’ phenomenon creator.”
APPROVED
[ Acquire VR Headset ] Project Manager
80 HP
Class: Scapegoat
Scope Creeper
“I know you think you understand what I said…”
“Uses AI to interpret stakeholder demands. ‘You jump, I jump’ budget strategy.”
APPROVED
[ Acquire Intelligence ] The Subcontractor
110 HP
Class: Specialist
Safety Third
Jobsite Radio at max volume blocks OSHA warnings.
“He can’t hear you scream ‘Hard Hat Area’ over the bass.”
NOT APPROVED
[ Acquire Radio ] Site Supervisor
150 HP
Class: Enforcer
All-Seeing Eye
12MP Pet Detection repurposed for ‘Slacker Detection’.
“He’s not actually on site. But his cameras are. Always watching.”
NOT APPROVED
[ Acquire Cameras ] The Developer
200 HP
Class: Owner
Beer Budget
Demands champagne finishes. Pays Bud Light prices.
“Uses a fishing drone to extract profits while avoiding liability lawyers.”
NOT APPROVED
[ Acquire Drone ] Lead Engineer
90 HP
Class: Brains
Ego Shield
Carbon Fiber Hard Hat protects the most fragile thing on site.
“He’s never held a hammer, but he’ll tell you how to swing it.”
NOT APPROVED
[ Acquire Ego Hat ] The Estimator
70 HP
Class: Guesser
Truth Stretcher
3D Scans reality, then adjusts margins until profitable.
“It fits on the screen. Why doesn’t it fit on the site?”
NOT APPROVED
[ Acquire Scanner ]