“The Cold Caller”: High-Definition Rejection
Mood: Exhausted
Meet The Cold Caller.
The Cold Caller
Script Reader
Reads the “Mike Ferry” script robotically without pausing for breath. Has a 0.02% conversion rate.
Rejection Amplifier
Crystal clear Yealink audio ensures you hear “LOSE MY NUMBER” in 4K resolution. The battery lasts longer than your motivation.
BY THE EXECUTIVE JOKESTER
He is the grunt of the Real Estate infantry. On our latest Tactical Trading Card, he is depicted in a boiler room, sweat pouring down his face, while “sound waves” of abuse blast out of his earpiece.
His class is “Lead Generator.” And his asset is the Yealink WH64 Wireless Headset.
The “Script Reader” Trap
Every new agent is handed a script. The tragedy of the Cold Caller is that he believes the script is a magic spell.
In reality, he is just a human pop-up ad. He interrupts dinner. He wakes up babies. And he does it all while robotically reading from a laminated sheet of paper.
The Asset: The Yealink WH64
Why does a guy making 100 calls a day need a professional DECT Headset?
Because when you are getting rejected for 4 hours straight, you need range.
- 600ft Range: Allows him to walk to the breakroom to cry without dropping the call.
- Crystal Clear Audio: So he can hear the homeowner scream “LOSE MY NUMBER” in 4K resolution.
The Executive Jokester Verdict
NOT APPROVED. Cold Calling is the hazing ritual of the sales world. But if you must do it, get the headset. At least you’ll look important while you’re getting hung up on.
The Executive Jokester is a satirical project by a Minnesota Real Estate Agent who still flinches when his phone rings during dinner.
FROM THE DESK OF THE DIRECTOR
“Thank you for reading the leaked files. If this post made you laugh (or sweat because it’s true), do your civic duty:”
FROM THE DESK OF THE DIRECTOR
“Thank you for reading the leaked files. If this post made you laugh (or sweat because it’s true), do your civic duty:”
HAVE INTEL?
I need ideas for Sector 03. Drop a comment below with the job title I should roast next.
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