“The Shady Broker”: The Dark Art of the Pocket Listing
Mood: Paranoid & Profitable
Meet the Shady Broker.
The Shady Broker
The Double Dip
Executes a “Pocket Listing.” Keeps the home off the MLS to act as a Dual Agent, collecting 100% of the commission while representing 0% of the client’s best interests.
Total Blackout
Drops phone in a Military-Grade Faraday Bag. Blocks GPS, Cellular, and WiFi. Also blocks his wife asking why he missed his kid’s recital.
BY THE EXECUTIVE JOKESTER
On our latest Tactical Trading Card, he is depicted in a dark office, sweating profusely, stuffing burner phones into a Military-Grade Faraday Bag. We gave him 150 HP because, unlike the “Newbie Agent,” this guy is harder to kill than a cockroach.
His class is “Double Agent.” And his signature move is the Pocket Listing.
The “Pocket Listing” Scam (aka The Double Dip)
To the average seller, a “Pocket Listing” sounds exclusive. The Shady Broker sells it like this: “I have a private network. We don’t need the MLS. We can do this quietly.”
Translation: “I want to keep this listing secret so no other agents know about it. That way, I can find the buyer myself and keep 100% of the commission.”
He artificially limits demand to secure his own payday. He isn’t a Fiduciary looking out for the client’s best interest; he is a gatekeeper looking out for his own wallet.
The Asset: The $299 Cone of Silence
We gave this card the Mission Darkness Faraday Bag ($299) because cheap foil doesn’t cut it when you have this much to hide.
This isn’t a sandwich bag. It is a signal-blocking fortress. It blocks WiFi, Bluetooth, GPS, and 5G. When the Shady Broker drops his phone in here, he ceases to exist on the digital grid.
- No calls from other agents.
- No emails from the State Department.
- No calls from his wife asking why he missed dinner.
The Executive Jokester Verdict
We stamped “NOT APPROVED” on this card because the “Pocket Listing” is a disservice to the seller.
HOWEVER…
The bag is awesome. If you want to disappear (legally) from your family on a Sunday afternoon, this is the way to do it.
The Executive Jokester is a satirical project by a Minnesota Real Estate Agent who believes the best place for a house is on the market, not in a pocket.
FROM THE DESK OF THE DIRECTOR
“Thank you for reading the leaked files. If this post made you laugh (or sweat because it’s true), do your civic duty:”
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